memoir

Brooke McKinnon

Holly Pappas

English 101

May 10, 2012

Memoir

Since the day I was born, my life hasn't always been easy or all that it’s cracked up to be. Although I chose criminal justice as my theme, it’s not something I’ve always loved. I chose it for reasons other than just "enjoying" it like other people picking their themes did; I chose it because it’s something that I can relate to as a person and is something that has really changed my life in ways that not most people think. At the age of 22, my father Brendan thought that construction was going to be his gig for the rest of his life like a lot of young 20 year olds do but as he got older; but he thought wrong.

A couple years down the road, he became a police officer in a small town. Since the day that he changed his career, he's never been the same. For the last almost 10 years of my life, I never saw the same fatherly eyes I used to see when I was a little girl. He never used to be angry person from what I remember, but now all I ever see out of him is anger. Being a little girl, I always saw him smiling at me and just staring at me because he knew I was his daughter and I looked just like him. I strongly believe that his is a career that changed his life....and not for the good either. I still hope that to this day maybe he would have played a bigger role in my life and be a better father figure; but it’s too late for him to turn back now. Being an 18 year old girl, I know what it’s like to live without a father and also living without one.

Every girl needs there father and not having one can lead to many different things; pregnancy, depression, alcoholism, etc. At my parents’ age, living without a parent or having your parents separated was extremely rare for many families. So it seems, at this time in the world more and more people are living without parents as we speak. Although it may not be good for them mentally and physically, the world around us is always changing in so many ways.

Having a father in the criminal justice career can sometimes be contradicting. Even though I knew his job was to help out other people in the community and to fight crime, I never thought of him as someone I would call "safe." Being around him as a child, I always felt scared. Usually a little girl like that should see their father as some kind of superhero, but not for me. He always had that way of making me think he was higher than everyone else around him, and the second you ticked him off, it wouldn't be pretty. Growing up, I realized he was not a person I wanted to be around, at all. Being a responsible adult I realized that not being safe around my own father wasn't safe for my life. It sad to think that if didn't go into that field that things might be different, but they're not. Nobody will be able to change who he is sadly.

 Being around 4 or 5 years old, I remember being at my grandmother’s house in my father’s room, and him playing games with me all the time. We would sit there and play Candyland or Monopoly for hours upon hours. Most of the time, he looked like he was having even more fun than I was. The entire time he had a smile on his face. Having a smile on at that age was something he always had. Even though I wasn't what he wanted, he still took the time to make an effort to be with me. Now, since his career change, I rarely ever see a smile on his face. It’s sad to say but I only think of him smiling in pictures. I would hate to be the person he is today which is why staying away from him is what is best for me. It will help out my life in the future to try to be everything he isn’t. At the time being little I never thought about things changing. To this day, I wish I took that day for granted and was more thankful for the person he used to be. Being so little, that would never be possible.